Any suggestions for how i could improve this essay?

I have to write an essay about sugar. Here's my essay so far.

Could i have some feedback?



Sugar

Sugar is very high on the glycemic index. It鈥檚 digested quickly and provides calories but has very little nutritional value. There are different kinds of sugar and some are worse than others. Fruit sugar, fructose, is less harmful than refined sugar. People have evolved to like the taste of sugar because the sweetest fruits are often the ones that have the most nutrients.



The average BMI in North America is 27.1, which is overweight. Sugar is clinically proven to cause obesity, which causes heart attacks. Sugar can cause a variety of medical conditions including alcoholism, Multiple sclerosis and ovarian cancer. Sugar also causes skin to age faster. Too much sugar can affect your brain and make it harder for you to learn. It can also cause depression, emotional instability and epilepsy. Sugar is in almost everything we eat, even places where we don鈥檛 expect it. Sugar also causes dental carries, because the bacteria in your mouth eat it and produce acid as a by-product when they digest it.



Most people consume more that their body weight in sugar every year. For the first time in history, there are more obese people in the world that starving people



Sugar is very harmful to pregnant women and the fetuses. It can be as harmful as caffeine or alcohol, but because there is less social pressure for women to stop eating sugar during pregnancy, they are lass likely to stop. There is also less information available to pregnant mothers about the effects of sugar. Although women are supposed o gain weight during pregnancy, the weight is not supposed to be from having extra fat. It can also cause the baby to be born already overweight.



The most disturbing part about sugar, however, is its long history of being grown by slaves. About 85% of the sugar we eat today is grown by slaves. Most of the modern slaves are dept, slaves, but they only get paid $2.00 for picking a tonne of sugar, and they owe huge amounts of money to the company store. Because most sugar slaves today are dept slaves, sugar plantation owners today don鈥檛 even acknowledge that they are using slave labour to grow their crops.



In the 1700 hundreds, Thomas Clarkson was the first person to fight for the abolition of slavery. Most of the slaves at that time were also used to grow sugar. He faced a lot of controversy and, when he tried to prosecute slave owners for murder, the owners of sugar plantations actually devised a plan to have him assassinated. Luckily, he escaped.



The persecution of those who try to fight against sugar and sugar slavery, however, has not stopped. In the 1970s, many people who tried to spread information about the negative effects of sugar lost their jobs. Sugar manufacturers still claim that the evidence against sugar is not proven. They will not admit that sugar does damage to people.Any suggestions for how i could improve this essay?
If sugar caused either multiple sclerosis or epilepsy, over half of the people in the industrialized world have them by the time they were ten years old. Sugar does not cause neurological diseases. I do not know what sources of information that you are using, but they are incorrect. And while some women who are diagnosed with ovarian cancer have a high glycemic index, not all women do. I have had multiple sclerosis for 20 years, moderate a group of 200 people with multiple sclerosis and taught health and science for years. The causes of most diseases of the brain are idiopathic, meaning that the cause is unknown. And while alcoholics ingest a lot of sugar in alcoholic beverages, there is no proof that at all that sugar causes alcoholism.

I like your writing style, but question if you know how to identify a reliable source of information.Any suggestions for how i could improve this essay?
its really nice

but..u knw..try to add something more interesting in this..

usually....what happens is.....if our essay has only scientific mater and high-profile words......

it becomes a little boring..

try to improve the beginning

don't come straightaway to the point

like.......talk to the reader in 1-2 lines about sugar..

say......'sugar'......u might have heard it.....or....say anything

i cnt thnk of anythng right now..



do like that

then begin yr essay telling what sugar is and all that u want to



ignoring this....i will rate yr essay 8.5/10