Could someone evaluate my history essay and give me some possitive feedback? It's due tommorrow.?

“Jim Crow Laws has the greatest impact on African American lives between 1865 and 1950.” Do you agree?



In this essay I will be investigating whether or not Jim Crow Laws had the greatest impact on African American lives between 1865 and 1950. Jim Crows Laws were laws specifically aimed and targeted at keeping the supremacy of white Americans, they were passed by southern politicians and their purpose was to segregate coloured Americans citizens from whites and so they were used in that unlawful manner. Slavery was first abolished after the great civil war, which lasted for four years, between the years 1861 and 1865, was won by the Unionists- a group of soldiers fighting on behalf of the Northern States to end slavery- and so African Americans were finally awarded their “freedom”.



Soon after the civil war ended the reconstruction of the South began in 1865, where-by Northern soldiers remained in the South to oversee and to help rebuild the region. They also set up make shift schools , in old cellars and vacant barns, this was the beginning of restoring peace and equality among all white and African people inhabiting the United States of America but yet there would be many more hurdles to overcome. African American men were then rewarded the right to vote. This enabled them to choose who would be elected for president thus giving them the power to contribute to society in a positive way. Being given citizenship proved to have a long-term impact on African American lives as it gradually started to change how they, themselves, and others thought of them.



After the reconstruction of the South ended, Northern troops soon began to retreat back to the North. Sharecropping was then introduced as an alternative to slavery, white plantation owners used an abused the fact that most freed black people did not own any land of their own and so, keeping that in mind and the fact that they were equal only equal by law, offered former slaves; a piece of land, basic, primary tools to tend the crops and seedlings. In return for a huge share of the vegetation to be produced, knowing they, the African Americans, could not refuse such proposal as this was their only means of survival; manipulating and stripping them of the little dignity they still had left. The majority of sharecroppers were in severe dept, owing plantation owners hundreds of dollars at a time- plus interest but others were given the chance to start afresh and slowly burrowed their way out of the hardships of sharecropping. Either by saving the little profit they made from selling on their crops or by simply escaping to the North, where laws passed in favour of the abolishment of slavery were actually abided by, although many African Americans who migrated to the North still faced, day to day, racist remarks.



To be continued...Could someone evaluate my history essay and give me some possitive feedback? It's due tommorrow.?
I know you've handed it in but this may help for future essays... some simple changes:



1. "In this essay I will be investigating whether or not Jim Crow Laws had the greatest impact on African American lives between 1865 and 1950"



This essay aims at investigating the extent to which Jim crow laws impacted on....



2. Jim Crows Laws were laws specifically (jim crow developed a set of laws which were) (what exactly were the laws who used them who didnt, specific groups etc)

aimed and targeted at keeping the supremacy of white Americans, they were passed by southern politicians and



3. their purpose was to segregate coloured Americans citizens from whites and so they were used in that unlawful manner (what laws made it unlawfull? act and year). Slavery was first abolished after the great civil war, which lasted for four years, between the years 1861 and 1865, was won by the Unionists- a group of soldiers fighting on behalf of the Northern States to end slavery- and



4 so African Americans were finally awarded their “freedom”. What was the name of the Bill passed? who passed it?





I didnt read the rest of your essay but there are no quotes or names mentioned no specific example etc. these will get you many more marks!



having said that i dont know what age you are or what standard your essay if for. I'd say if it for 15/16 yrs good job but later in school, leaving school, university ect. good but could be better with one or two minor adjustments. Quotes and examples seperate your history essay fom the rest and make them interesting not only for the person who has to correct loads of the same but for you too. They are really important because they really show what was going on

at the time not just in heindsite